Moving Out

It's finally happened.

I've found some people who'd like me to live with them. I've put up an advert on Gumtree for the room I'm currently living in. Now I just need to wait for the suckers to bite. If they don't, well, tough.

Here's where I live in.

The Beautiful Kitchen

The kitchen in this place was amazing. The oven was fan assisted, at eye level and lit. Perfection for any sort of baking. I'd like to think I made good use of it.

Note The Shagpile Rug

I take no responsibility for that horrible, fucking rug. It is a monstrosity. As if "the wicked picture" of a silhouetted woman weren't tacky enough, my twatmate purchased this rug so the living room would scream "MID LIFE CRISIS" even louder than his carefully dyed hair.

This Is Where The Magic Happens

Well, some magic did happen there. But not enough for it to be worth what I paid for it. Plus it was right next to the shitter so being woken up by my flatmate making a deposit wasn't fun.

Here's a link to the advert I put up for this place. Note that I have lied extensively about my flatmate. If I were being truthful this would read something along the lines of the following:

I am moving out of this room because my twatmate who has been fleecing me for renting this shithole of a room has forced me to move out. If you move in you can expect to live with a vain, narcissistic, homophobic, unhygienic, inconsiderate, argumentative, uncompromising, hypocritical cunt.

The cunt will fleece you for bills. He currently has me subsidising the Virgin+ box in his room and thinks I don't know it. The cunt eats my food and then lies about it. The cunt nicks my washing tabs and lies when confronted about it. The cunt also leaves hairs in the fucking bath despite me asking him several times not to. Basically, you will be living with a cunt and I hope you are as much of a cunt as this cunt so you can have some sort of cunt-off and wind up killing each other so this universe will have two less cunts. Don't forget I'll be rooting for you because I cannot imagine someone who's a bigger cunt than the one I live with and living in Britain has taught me to support the underdog.

I'm being optimistic, I know. But after all the shit I've had to go through this month I have been long overdue some good news and I am going to revel in this for as long as I can.