Building Bridges

I'm going to outline a few minor things about the new Twatmate who will henceforth be called The Mad Cat Lady (MCL). This is due to her having two cats. Both are annoying. One less than the other and the annoying one is extremely annoying.

Annoying things it has done so far include the following:

- Eating my steak

- Trying to sleep in my bed

- Constantly mewling for food

I do not like things coming between my meat and myself despite being a vegetarian for over 5 years. I believe animal owners need to train their pets to behave. This is less of an issue when pets are kept outdoors, but in a London rabbit hutch with very little space living with someone who's trained their pets to live within a flat a majority of the time is very tiresome. The little fuckers are everywhere and you also have to look after them and tend to them.

I don't dislike animals. Cats I am not particularly enamoured with, but I will tolerate them. I don't blame the cats for the annoyances they inflict on my life, like muddy pawprints, stolen food or waking me up with their mewing at odd hours at night because they are animals and are blameless.

But I really wish MCL had thought this through before acquiring two cats because it seems she's not gotten the landlord's permission.

Oh well, at least it gives me a tailor made excuse if I ever have to leave the place.

Out Of The Frying Pan

I am now resigned to living with twats.

Since I moved out of the Horrible Shagpad of the twatmate I have changed addresses twice. One was to a flat close to Clapham Common, the one after was to somewhere closer to where I used to live.

My new flatmate, is, how do you say it in English? A numpty?

She has two cats. When I first moved in I thought "Awww! Kitties!" Unfortunately the silly cow has gotten into the habit of overfeeding them which means they constantly miaow their heads off asking for food. Seeing as she also has a penchant for fucking off whenever she pleases means it falls to me to feed the bastards. Luckily I am wise to the tricks of pussycats and my iron will prevents me from giving in to their whims. It also means I kick them out as soon as they have fed. A house is for humans to live in, not pets.

She's also managed to get rid of the litter tray so they shit and piss god knows where. They have shat in the house a couple of times but no big deal. Animals do that sometimes.

She is a bit of a piss head. This is not a bad thing. She works in advertising so it is only to be expected.

She has a boyfriend. Said boyfriend she has been with for three and a half years. It's weird to me that they've been together this long and still aren't living together Oh, said boyfriend also has three kids from a previous marriage.

To summarise, she's dirty, has annoying pets and a bizarre relationship I find myself occasionally having to troubleshoot. However, she is nowhere close to being as bad as the Twatmate and I wish her well.

Frankly, this is the downside of living with randoms in London. I've done it for the third time now and despite however carefully you veto them or repeatedly meet them you will never understand how weird other people are until you live with them. It's odd that people like me who will thoroughly research a bicycle lock (taking up to 3 days to do this) will willingly sign up to live with someone for 6 months to a year using a few e-mails, texts and perhaps a casual meeting as a reference.

There's no way around it really. Buy a house or resign yourself to living with weirdos. You win this one London, but not for long!